How to Sabotage a Potential Relationship: A Beginner’s Guide
Does someone like you? Is that a drag? Fear not! Through years and years of trial and error, I have devised three fool-proof methods for getting that jerk who likes you out of your life forever!
Method # 1: The “Dollhouse”
Tell him or her that you enjoy making dolls that look like the people you date. If that doesn’t shake them, take them to your room, where thousands of dolls line the walls. If that still doesn’t work, pretend that one of your dolls is actually your ex, and he or she is talking to you. Get into an argument with the doll that escalates into you stabbing it repeatedly in front of your would-be suitor. Once you are done stabbing the doll, turn to your date and go, “Whew, I’m so turned-on right now!”
Checkmate.
