Anonymous asked: Have you had any luck with online dating? My friend is pushing me try as she has decided I am too old to possibly cope with being alone and I'm 24 so obviously my body is about to fall apart or something. But everything just makes it look like everyone is stupid and/or scary and I generally don't make a good impression on anyone and I'm pretty sure the internet doesn't help with that. And I don't even know where I was actually going with the question anymore.
Pros: It’s another way to meet someone. When you’re not in college/university anymore, it becomes really tough to expand one’s social circle, making it very difficult to meet someone through “traditional” means. Bars are not traditional means. Bars are terrible places where romance goes to die, but I’ll include bars in the discussion because social norms dictate I probably should, even though I’d rather meet someone in prison than a bar.
If you are looking for something specific, say, someone with certain interests, online dating is better than having to spend time (and money) getting to know someone to learn that they don’t read books or think that Celebrity Rehab counts as good television.
Cons: That said, people treat online dating like it’s shopping. Whereas, in traditional dating, you slowly get to know someone, and are probably more likely to look past negative traits because you’ve learned things you like about them, online dating allows you to nitpick.
Online dating is the ultimate paradox of choice. You may forgo a perfectly great partner because there is the feeing someone better is just a click away.
The paradox of choice is bad enough in big cities without the internet (“If I just go to the right bar at the right night, I may find the perfect person because there are so many people out every night”).
If you are a girl, you will probably get some rude, perverted messages from troglodytes, but really, what will bother you the most is just the hundreds of dudes who write nothing but, “hey,” in a message to a stranger.
Overall: I say do it. And put an effort into it. Write a good profile with specifics, and put out the vibe you’d want in return. Don’t do it with a groan. Also, don’t use it as your only means to meet people. Join a club, go to meetup.com, annoy your friends to do social things with you and introduce you to people you haven’t met before, do things to try and expand a social circle, too. Worst case scenario is you have things to do on Saturdays. And that’s good.
Does someone like you? Is that a drag? Fear not! Through years and years of trial and error, I have devised three fool-proof methods for getting that jerk who likes you out of your life forever!
Method # 1: The “Dollhouse”
Tell him or her that you enjoy making dolls that look like the people you date. If that doesn’t shake them, take them to your room, where thousands of dolls line the walls. If that still doesn’t work, pretend that one of your dolls is actually your ex, and he or she is talking to you. Get into an argument with the doll that escalates into you stabbing it repeatedly in front of your would-be suitor. Once you are done stabbing the doll, turn to your date and go, “Whew, I’m so turned-on right now!”
Pro tip: when your girlfriend is asking if you cheated on her, reply with your best Jack Nicholson impersonation
“YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE TRUTH”
They love that joke. It never gets old.
If she keeps asking, it means she didn’t get the joke. So keep doing it until she does.
— A jerk
Now that I know that there are so many attractive, intelligent women out there that like Doctor Who, I am never going to be able to settle for something less!
I was SO intent on settling, dammit.
Find a girl who reads. You’ll know that she does because she will always have an unread book in her bag.She’s the one lovingly looking over the shelves in the bookstore, the one who quietly cries out when she finds the book she wants. You see the weird chick sniffing the pages of an old book in a second hand book shop? That’s the reader. They can never resist smelling the pages, especially when they are yellow.
She’s the girl reading while waiting in that coffee shop down the street. If you take a peek at her mug, the non-dairy creamer is floating on top because she’s kind of engrossed already. Lost in a world of the author’s making. Sit down. She might give you a glare, as most girls who read do not like to be interrupted. Ask her if she likes the book.
Buy her another cup of coffee.
Let her know what you really think of Murakami. See if she got through the first chapter of Fellowship. Understand that if she says she understood James Joyce’s Ulysses she’s just saying that to sound intelligent. Ask her if she loves Alice or she would like to be Alice.
It’s easy to date a girl who reads. Give her books for her birthday, for Christmas and for anniversaries. Give her the gift of words, in poetry, in song. Give her Neruda, Pound, Sexton, Cummings. Let her know that you understand that words are love. Understand that she knows the difference between books and reality but by god, she’s going to try to make her life a little like her favorite book. It will never be your fault if she does.
She has to give it a shot somehow.
Lie to her. If she understands syntax, she will understand your need to lie. Behind words are other things: motivation, value, nuance, dialogue. It will not be the end of the world.
Fail her. Because a girl who reads knows that failure always leads up to the climax. Because girls who understand that all things will come to end. That you can always write a sequel. That you can begin again and again and still be the hero. That life is meant to have a villain or two.
Why be frightened of everything that you are not? Girls who read understand that people, like characters, develop. Except in the Twilightseries.
If you find a girl who reads, keep her close. When you find her up at 2 AM clutching a book to her chest and weeping, make her a cup of tea and hold her. You may lose her for a couple of hours but she will always come back to you. She’ll talk as if the characters in the book are real, because for a while, they always are.
You will propose on a hot air balloon. Or during a rock concert. Or very casually next time she’s sick. Over Skype.
You will smile so hard you will wonder why your heart hasn’t burst and bled out all over your chest yet. You will write the story of your lives, have kids with strange names and even stranger tastes. She will introduce your children to the Cat in the Hat and Aslan, maybe in the same day. You will walk the winters of your old age together and she will recite Keats under her breath while you shake the snow off your boots.
Date a girl who reads because you deserve it. You deserve a girl who can give you the most colorful life imaginable. If you can only give her monotony, and stale hours and half-baked proposals, then you’re better off alone. If you want the world and the worlds beyond it, date a girl who reads.
Or better yet, date a girl who writes."
Rosemarie Urquico (via kblitz)
Rosemarie no longer has an active blog, but she can be found on Facebook here: http://www.facebook.com/home.php?#!/profile.php?id=585211028
To see the post about how she was found, please go here. Thanks to Jonathan for searching!